I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
