I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
