What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
