I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize