My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
