I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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