just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
