I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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