apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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