you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
