Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
