hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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