Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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