the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize