Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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