It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
