Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
where am i from again
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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