Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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