So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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