U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
