nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
