Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
