I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
