Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
