He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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