i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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