Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
