I smell stomach acid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
