Everything about him screamed your future.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
