I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
