He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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