we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
