Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
