dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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