so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
