oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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