Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
