Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
