So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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