in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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