Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
