Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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