i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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