Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
