Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
