Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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