i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
