So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
