lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day