if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.