jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
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well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low