You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"