she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.