I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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