im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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