he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
