i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
