Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just had sex bonerless
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
