What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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