I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
