sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
