Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
