After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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