Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
