38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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