There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
