so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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