John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
