I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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