IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
